The New Year is just about here and it's a time of optimism that often burns out just as quickly as the fireworks. We tell ourselves "this time I really am going to _______ (lose that baby weight, start being on time to things, save money, stop yelling at my kids, etc)." We make a plan, often in a pretty new planner, start Day 1, and then... we fizzle out. But the worst is what we do after that. All the self-disappointment, disapproval, and despair make for a gloomy January.
Been there, done that. Let's do it differently this year. Try these three ways with me:
1. Decide right now what you're going to say to yourself when you "fail" in January. Why did I put "fail" in quotes? Because you only really fail if you stop trying. You'll make so much more progress toward your goals when you recognize that sometimes and some days you're going to mess up. So when you do, what would you rather say to yourself?:
"What's wrong with you?!
It's only January 4th. How could you mess up already?!
That's just pathetic.
You'll never be able to do it.
I can't even stand to look at you.
I'm so disappointed in you.
You're the worst."
or
"Ooops! Looks like you didn't do your new goal today.
I'm not sure if you forgot or just didn't want to put forth the effort... what happened today, friend?
I know. Sometimes I don't want to be responsible and do what I said I was going to do too.
But you know what? I believe in you.
Let's try again tomorrow.
It's ok to miss a day here and there.
But we set that goal because we REALLY want the result.
And it's going to take some hard work.
I know you can do hard things.
I love you no matter what."
I recommend actually saying those compassionate things to yourself in the mirror every day. And when you do keep your goal, make sure to acknowledge and celebrate it! This will help you stick to that goal.
2. Get clear on the "why" behind your goal. Because it needs to be compelling. If you're trying to lose the baby weight because you think that's the only way you'll be good enough, then that won't be strong enough when it's hard to carve out time to exercise or when you feel the urges to eat the leftover Christmas snacks. But if you know you're good enough first and you love yourself and feel gratitude for your body as it is now, you'll take better care of yourself. And the baby weight may come off as a side-effect.
Many of the goals we make are because we think we'll finally be good enough when we accomplish that goal. It's sad to chase that "good enough" status for so long in so many ways, when really we're good enough right now. Today.
I've found that the most powerful "why" is love. If your reason instead is love, you'll be much more likely to do it when it's tough. Do it because you love you. You love your family. You want to love your life. Try it!
3. Accountability! For me it is so much more likely to happen if I write it down. If I tell myself what I want to accomplish. If I tell a trusted friend what I'm trying to do. Something about that helps it go from a little wishy-washy maybe of a goal to something I'm taking seriously. And then schedule in some time often (I recommend once a week) to reevaluate. Did I accomplish what I said I'd do? Why or why not? How can I set myself up for success this next week? Remember- we only fail if we stop trying.
And finally I just feel the need to say, YOUR WORTH DOES NOT DEPEND ON WHAT YOU GET DONE. You could live this new year just like the past and you'd be good enough. You're a good mom. You're an excellent human. You do so much and you deserve compassion, love, acknowledgement, gratitude and grace. Lots and lots of grace.
If you want to believe me but it just seems too hard to grasp these concepts, try coaching and I'll help you one-on-one! Sign up for a free mini-session on my calendar HERE.