Here is an article I wish was real news (written just over a month ago when I was very pregnant). I was very intentional to not tell people my actual due date, hoping to avoid some of these comments. Alas, I got them all plenty anyway. I was 42 weeks and 2 days when the baby decided to come, and it was a very smooth and beautiful birth. Well worth the wait.
NEW LAW IMPRISONS OFFENDERS OF PREGNANT WOMEN
It is now illegal to say certain things to pregnant women, especially those in the 3rd trimester, and especially especially those past their due date. The penalty is 5 minutes in prison, which may not seem serious, but is apparently quite inconvenient for most when the transportation to and from the prison and the paperwork often takes much longer than the penalty time.
"What about freedom of speech?" many middle-aged men wonder. "The annoyance of pregnant women everywhere is severe enough to override that freedom," an official explains, patiently. "Just be grateful it's only 5 minutes and learn your lesson."
"We are ashamed that it took us until 2024 to outlaw certain terribly insensitive comments," another official laments. "We apologize to all the women who have dealt with comments like these for decades and hope this new law will bring you some comfort and a sense of justice."
Postpartum moms look forward to the possibility of new laws protecting them as well. beginning with outlawing the dreaded, "Enjoy it, it goes so fast."
Below is the official list of illegal comments. Be aware that this list cane be added to at any time by the Protecting Sanity of Pregnant Moms Committee.
Wow, you're huge! (Or any variation of this in any language)
Looks like you sure had enough dinner!
Is it twins?
Let's get this over with!
Still pregnant?
No baby yet?
When are you getting induced?
What's taking so long?
(Any birth horror stories)
The following comments are allowed once during the pregnancy, but discouraged as the mother answers these with almost everyone she talks to:
Is it a boy or a girl?
When's your due date?