When I first got pregnant, I knew I was hoping to have an unmedicated birth. So I felt like I wanted to find midwives rather than an OB. It seemed like having a baby in the hospital was just what you do, so for four of my five babies I went with midwives who only delivered babies in the hospital.
We made that decision after an experience that happened with baby #1. Right after her birth, I was hemorrhaging. Everything happened so fast, and with a panicked sort of vibe. They cut the ambilocal chord right away, touched her to my chest for just a moment and whisked her away. Then a nurse was pushing hard on my stomach and other nurses and the midwife were visibly stressed and worried. More staff hurried into the room. They handed the baby to my husband who sat to the side, watching me, seeing lots of blood, wondering if I would live.
I didn't have my wish to have an unmedicated birth with baby #1 (more on that later when I do the "I tried: Doulas" post). I had Pitocin (medication which causes contractions) and an epidural. I could still feel as my epidural had greatly worn off, and the stomach pushing was excruciating. I wondered so many things and probably only voiced half of my questions: "What are you doing to me? Why can't I hold my baby? What's going on? Would someone please tell me what's going on? Why are there more people in here? Why am I shaking? Seriously, why did you take my baby?" There was confusion with the tools and the tray- maybe some weren't cleaned adequately and the midwife frustratingly asked a staff to get a whole new tray. Things felt scary, chaotic, confusing, traumatic.
When the hemorrhaging stopped and things were under control, a nurse said to my husband as she left the room, "and THAT'S why you have your baby in the hospital." As if that would've been absolutely tragic if it had happened at a birth center or at home.
So we vowed, out of fear, that we would have all our babies at the hospital. And we did (though we went with a different midwife group after that).
Until...
This last time I had a baby I knew I wanted a different experience so I set about interviewing midwives and doing research about home and birth center births. In April 2024, I had my baby in a Birth Center (Utah Birth Suites: I can't rave about the staff and location enough--- they are (/it was) amazing!).
Talk about a different experience!
Now before I tell you why I loved that Birth Center experience so much, I want to clarify. This post is not intended to downplay the amazing nurses and doctors and midwives and staff who work in hospitals. We had many positive experiences in those first four births.
But if you ever have wanted to have a baby outside of the hospital, I encourage you to go for it! You don't have to be afraid of the social pressure. You don't have to believe that the hospital is the only safe or responsible choice. If you have people in your life who would tell you all the horror stories or fear-based beliefs about it, you don't even need to tell them at all where you plan to have the baby. Start talking with women who have had positive experiences with their out-of-hospital births. I encourage you to interview several midwives until you find one who is a good fit for you. There are many who could fit that description. Make sure you ask them a lot of questions, including what they would do during an emergency and anything you specifically worry about. Tell them your birth plan and preferences and see where they stand on different issues. Go with a midwife you trust and feel safe with.
Unfortunately many don't trust midwives who assist a birthing person at home or in a birth center. Many assume they are less professional, less safe than an OB or a hospital-only midwife. The history of midwives and why they are not hired as much or trusted as much as OBs in the US is fascinating. Evidence Based Birth has an amazing podcast and I learned about that here: I encourage you to give it a listen.
Many midwives are very competent, skilled, and will keep you perfectly safe. They are trained to recognize the types of situations you'd need to be transferred to the hospital for and they do their best to stay far from that emergency line. They meet with you throughout the pregnancy for longer appointments than a typical OB, and they really get to know you, your partner, your preferences, your plan, and then they honor those. This makes a HUGE difference in having a very empowering birth.
My Out-of-Hospital birth was absolutely beautiful. There was a bed, a deep tub, room to move, other tools to use for pain management like a birthing stool and rope. There was a fridge and microwave. It was nicely decorated and had a very homey feel (though much cleaner than my home!).
The best part about it was my birth team. My midwives Seasons Warner and Angie Nichols were brilliant, patient, respectful, kind, and safe. They honored all my preferences and really took a hands-off approach unless I wanted them to help me. I was allowed to be in any position I chose, and to labor and give birth in the tub. No one told me how to push or what to do- we all trusted my instincts and what my body knew. I caught my own baby, which is what I wanted, and they allowed that. My doula Marian Isaacson was consistent, loving, and calm. She gave me back pressure every time I had contractions for hours. And my husband was my rock- grounding, consistent, incredibly helpful. Because of my team, I was able to be the person I wanted to be-- I felt safe and supported so I navigated through in a wonderful way. It was empowering, beautiful, calm, healing.
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And in this last birth, just as my first, I hemorrhaged. But this time, no panicking, no chaos. My midwives remained so calm and collected. They asked for consent before pressing on my tummy and did it as gently as possible. They informed me exactly what was going on and what they were doing to stop the bleeding. I got to hold my baby the entire time they helped me with it. Again I shook, but this time it was amusing, not scary. My baby enjoyed actual delayed cord clamping (I didn't cut the cord until all that precious blood was in my baby- I think it was 45 minutes or an hour after birth). It couldn't have had a different feel than my first, traumatic experience.
Imagine being treated like a person, not a statistic, or a textbook case that needs to be rushed if things aren't "progressing" according to someone else's schedule. Imagine being free to give birth however feels right to you, and wearing whatever (or not wearing whatever) you want. Imagine not being woken up every few hours all night according to procedure to check vitals, but still feeling very safe because your team watches over you the entire time and knows what to look for. And then being free to go home 2-5 hours after birth (depending on how you're doing) and healing in your own bed without strange noises, sounds, smells, foods.
I believe birth is not a medical emergency. I don't believe birthing women are required to be patients in a hospital. It felt so good to experience birth in a place that felt so safe and calm- a place where I could create the experience I wanted and would be listened to and respected, not challenged or manipulated.
I am so grateful for that birth, that birth team, that space.
And I thought, with satisfaction, 'and THAT'S why you have your baby out of the hospital!'
[This is the first installment of the "I tried" series, which will share my experiences with different processes, philosophies, or products that I have tried over my 10 years of motherhood.]
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