Postpartum comes with a lot of emotions. If you feel you're on a rollercoaster, don't panic- don't assume you have postpartum depression. Take a moment to consider that you may be right on track.
Did you know negative emotion will not kill you? Did you know there is nothing shameful about feeling all the things during these months (and years) after that baby comes?
I think just as we as a culture falsely attribute the label of "good baby" to a baby who sleeps when we want it to and doesn't cry "too much", we attribute the label of "good mom" to the postpartum mom who has it all together- who loses her baby weight, is social "enough", doesn't cry "too much" (at all in front of others) and who doesn't experience negative emotions. After all, if she's a "good mom" she's grateful for her baby and not experiencing grief, frustration, pain, or negativity, right?
I want to write this blog post to those moms who feel guilty that they're not enjoying it. Who feel frustrated, sad, lonely, bitter, trapped. Who worry they're not a "good mom" because they don't have it all together and it's really difficult to mask their emotions all the time. Who are scared to allow themselves to feel those negative emotions. Who have been resisting them. Who don't want to make room.
Sometimes as a postpartum doula who is going through postpartum herself with baby #5, I'm pretty hard on myself. I think I know enough by now, I should be able to handle things gracefully and without all the mess of these big, negative emotions. "I should be fine, what's wrong with me" is the elevator music running in the background of my thoughts quite often lately.
But do you know what happens if we pause, breathe, and make room?
Powerful things. Beautiful things. And on the other side, peace.
Mama, I see you. You're afraid of judgment if others see a glimpse of the hard that you're experiencing. You think you need to "hold it all together" for your baby, your family, your pride.
But have you ever tried to hold too much? Like at a grocery store when you just need one thing so you don't get a cart or basket, and pretty soon you have your arms full and are trying to get to the cash register line without dropping it all?
Get the basket. Get the cart. Allow room. Even though you thought postpartum was only going to be an experience of joy and gratitude, the overwhelm is on sale and you're going to be picking it up too.
Emotions feel scary when you resist them and don't make room for them. They seem to grow and consume you.
I know it's counter-intuitive. You fear if you allow yourself to really breathe, slow down, and feel them, that you won't recover. But ironically, doing so makes you strong enough, and makes you realize you can totally handle it.
I'm right there in the trenches with you.
💗