You know that underlying anxiety that creeps up when your phone is at 5%? That power bar is red and you know it'll die soon. You ignored the 20% warning and the 10% warning, and now it's just a matter of time...
Just like your phone, you need charging too. And motherhood? It can be like waking up already at 10%, with no charger in sight.
It starts with waking up by someone else's need- your toddler talking loudly or your baby crying from their crib. Their demands keep you busy and the draining begins.
The moment your kids are calm or occupied, your potential moment of rest is bombarded with all the "should"s from your brain, triggered by anything and everything you see. "Oooo now that she's napping you should do some laundry," whines the overflowing laundry hamper. "We're getting out of hand," declare the dishes. The clutter feels suffocating wherever you look.
You pull out your phone to text someone and see your text remnants from last time- never sent, no longer relevant. You feel like a failure in lots of tiny ways- unfinished projects, unfinished chores, not-even-started dreams. They all add up until you're believing you're bad with time, money, relationships, and a bad mom.
And this is the point where on top of everything else, that phone-is-about-to-die anxiety starts up. But it's not your phone. You know a breakdown is coming if you can't turn things around.
Here are 4 little things you can do that are like plugging in your phone. Even if you just do it for a few minutes, it'll keep it working. Even if these strategies don't turn your day around, they'll help you get through those moments of overwhelm.
1. Breathe (For Real—It Helps)
I know. This one is sooooo repeated, it doesn't feel like it would actually help. But there's a reason why you keep hearing to just start with taking a deep breath.
I recently heard that breathing is the only bodily function that you can control. We don't decide what our heart rate or blood pressure or nervous systems are doing. But you can hold your breath, and you can let it go. Fast or slow.
In those moments of seemingly-no-control, remind yourself of what you DO have control over, starting with your breath.
Breathe in long and deep through your nose, letting your tummy go out. Breathe out through your mouth bringing your tummy back to normal. Breathing in this way can not only interrupt your spinning thoughts and help you feel calmer, it also stretches your pelvic floor muscles which can help them heal and strengthen.
Sometimes I like to breathe a certain number of times, or breathe while I hold a different finger for each breath. Or there are apps that have breathing exercises with circles that get bigger and smaller which can be fun to watch and focus on while you breathe. My favorite is the finch app.
2. Have a little pep-talk with yourself in the mirror
I know it seems cheesy! I get it. But this REALLY works. You are the only one who knows exactly what you're feeling and why. I find it so helpful to just vocalize what's going on in the mirror to yourself. An example of this could be like, "Hey [your own name]. I know you're having a hard time right now. Things are really overwhelming for you, because of what you're thinking about [all the circumstances going on]. That's so understandable. You're doing a good job. You can take a few minutes to calm down before you go back out there. You are safe. You will be ok. You don't have to face it again yet. I've got you."
Before you rule it out, try it out. You'll be surprised how much you can help you and say just the right thing.
3. Move your body
This works particularly well when you're feeling angry. Just put on some music if you want to, and move in whatever ways feels good to you. This can help the emotions run their course in a smoother way. Jogging in place, doing a few jumping jacks, dancing, anything like that can distract your mind for a moment, and be like a little reset- or a little moment of plugging in before you're totally depleted. You can even just move your voice more- try singing! It can completely change things around for you.
4. Connect with something outside of you- something wise and powerful
This is the most important one. We need to do this every single day, mamas. And especially in hard moments. For me this means praying out loud to God. It means trying to visualize His care and love for me, allowing myself to be surrounded by it, to feel safe. It means picturing angels around me to bear me up. For you this may not be praying to God. Perhaps it just means meditating, seeking your inner wisdom, reminding yourself that you are cared about and not alone.
Another thing I like to connect to is nature. Even if it's just to take out the trash and notice the clouds or the trees or listen to the birds. To realize there's more to life and this world and universe than the things I'm stressed about. The things I've let deplete me.
Mama, you are so deeply more important than your phone. Your brain can do more- your smile, hands, efforts are more meaningful. Don't let yourself get below 20%. Don't go in the red. Not because of those little people that depend on you, that demand so much every day. But just because it feels so much better to be charged.
You don't have to have more time or money or anything to give yourself tiny moments of self-care throughout the day. And they make a huge difference.
Pick one of these and try it today, and notice how much better you feel. And if you’re ready for more support, I’m here to listen and help you sort it out. Just reach out to holdthemom@gmail.com and let me know you're ready to try out a free coaching mini-session with me. :)
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