If you're a mom and you feel like every day is a struggle, perhaps things are harder than they need to be because you're dealing with some of these:
Silly Expectations
Whether they are expectations we put on ourselves or from society, there are SO MANY expectations that come with the job description of mother.
And it starts very early.
Bear with me as I exaggerate to make my point:
- Sacrifice some of what you like to eat and do on behalf of the baby you're carrying. Make sure you have that baby within a certain window-- not too early, not too late.
- Once the baby is born, if you and baby had no emergency/ are healthy, then don't complain or claim you have "trauma".
- Let us all hold your newborn. Entertain us when we visit.
- Bounce back. Lose that baby weight fast.
- Don't complain about how hard motherhood is. Be grateful.
- Don't ask for help. Trust your motherhood instincts and do things well even though you've never done this before.
- Keep your house clean. Keep up on the laundry, dishes, organizing, and latest fads.
- Be a fun mom. And a nutritionist. And a consistent disciplinarian. But be comforting and kind. Be adventurous. Be responsible. Don't spoil your children. Be beautiful. And happy all the time.
I thought this was a really good way of putting it:
"We're only human,
but we're expected to behave as if we're superhuman,
all the while being treated as if we were subhuman."
-Beth Berry
Not meeting these expectations, even thought they're not logical or based on truth, can lead to what I want to write about next, which is:
Mom Guilt
Can someone explain to me why you never hear of "Dad guilt"?
Anyway,
Mom guilt is often talked about and is something that many moms claim to deal with on a daily basis. But what is it?
"Mom guilt is
the nagging feeling that you are doing it all wrong in motherhood based on unrealistic, unkind, and ridiculous expectations -- sometimes self-inflicted, sometimes from society in general."
-Diane Epperson
Did you know mom guilt does not motivate you to be a better mom?
Did you know mom guilt is optional?
Did you know it may be burdening you without you even realizing it?
Which leads to you having less mental and emotional energy to be the kind of mom you want to be and do the things you want to do, which leads to more mom guilt! Like a terrible cycle.
If you feel like this is something you struggle with (don't we all?), come to my webinar on the topic- September 24 @ 11 am mst! We'll make progress in dropping it together!
Self-loathing
If mom guilt is left unchecked, it can turn to self-loathing. We can go from guilt to shame. We not only think we are doing things wrong, we think we are wrong. That we are inadequate and unfit, terrible mothers.
Have you ever had the thought, "My kids would be better off without me" or "I am not the right person to be this kid's mom"? I know I have.
Do you know how hard it is to be kind, understanding, and solve problems when we're dealing with self-loathing-type thoughts all day?
This can lead to depression, anxiety, resentment, and a whole host of other unpleasant things. I mean, no wonder we find ourselves yelling at our kids or hiding in the bathroom.
Moms, I know it, and you know it. Motherhood is hard. And wonderful. It's stretching. And it is enough of a challenge without dealing with silly expectations, mom guilt, and self-loathing.
Who's with me?
Let's let these go.
Seriously, come to the webinar! Why carry the mom guilt around any longer?
