It's Halloween. You know what that means.
You've come up with a costume that highlights your adorable bump.
A year from now your little one will be rockin' that "My First Halloween" onesie.
You're in the second trimester. You're feeling good. Beautiful fall colors, sweater weather, hot chocolate.
Boots.
Every day it becomes a little more real that you're having a baby.
And you're super excited. As you should be!
I want to let you know about something that's coming before next Halloween that can be scary, especially if you don't know at all what to expect.
Postpartum.
And I don't mean depression.
The word "postpartum" means the period of time after your baby is born. You're in the second trimester? Think of it as the fourth trimester.
If this is your first baby, I doubt you've thought much about this. In our culture, the birth of the baby is like the end of a fairy tale.
"And they lived Happily Ever After."
It's like, "What is there to think about/worry about/ plan for? I won't be pregnant anymore. I'll have a cute baby. I'll be a mom. It's what I've wanted for a long time."
But, my friend, this is the BEST time to think about it. And if you do, I promise you will get that sweet baby bonding time you want, and you won't be as distracted and overwhelmed by the natural things that are coming, that no one warned you about.
Things like
- Postpartum bleeding.
- Painful breastfeeding.
- Moodiness. Irritability. Rage.
- Worry that you've lost yourself.
- Identity shifts.
- Scary thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby.
- Leaking. (Milk, when your body decides it's time to feed the baby. Pee, when you have the audacity to sneeze or cough or laugh too hard. So much leaking.)
- Relationship strain with your partner.
These are VERY common postpartum symptoms. And there are more. And we're not even talking depression.
Have I scared you? That's not the intention, even with it being Halloween.
I want you to know these things are ahead, but I have the best news.
You don't have to be alone as you go through it.
There are people and solutions that can help you thrive.
For now, here are 3 Strategies to set yourself up for the best postpartum experience! I underlined the parts that you can do right now, today!
🎃1. Learn, right now.
Talk to moms you admire and just ask about their postpartum experience(s). If they're comfortable with telling, they'll let you know what was hard for them. They'll tell you about what/who they found to help. And then, if you end up going through the same specific issues, you'll be able to reach out again because you already know they know how you're feeling!
Look up "postpartum" on instagram, youtube, podcasts. Read more posts here-- that's what this blog is all about! Don't go into this blindly! You are doing yourself a favor by educating yourself, empowering yourself!
🎃2. Process the hard.
No matter how your birth goes, whether it's dreamy or traumatic or somewhere in between, it will GREATLY BENEFIT you to process it. So plan to do that! You can journal, record your voice, talk to somebody, do therapy, coaching, or some creative means. And you may feel like you don't have time since you'll be busy with that sweet new lil' bundle of joy. But an unprocessed birth = days, months, even years of unnecessary suffering. We tend to blame ourselves for things not going as we hoped. 'If only I had said this or done that. I was so scared, I was out of control.' Thoughts like that just live in your mind and absolutely affect your motherhood.
I know a doula who suggested you find a therapist and set up an appointment before you have your baby for a week or two after your due date. Because even if you're not struggling with postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, or any other mental health issues, you'll really want to talk to someone, and you'll have stuff to talk about. That way, you can get through the waiting list and be ready.
🎃3. Have your own back
When it gets tough, ask for help. I know you don't want to. I know you're afraid of what they'll think when you need help. I know part of you says you don't need it or shouldn't need it. But we were never meant to do all of the parenting alone, especially while we're recovering from birth. Just reading this blog post now is having your own back. Taking a little effort now to research and prepare for postpartum is such a gift to your future self. Make a list of the people you'd feel comfortable with, asking for help. And if you don't have a lot of people on that list, make some more friends! When people ask you if they can help, say YES and give them a specific request. People like being useful. It's not that you're burdening them. And one day, you'll pay it forward to other new moms.
So. I want you to think ahead to next Halloween. Your birth was transformative. You talked about it and processed it in your own way and you have your support system in place. Things as a mom are harder and different than you imagined, but you weren't surprised when certain symptoms came up, and you got through. You are there for your baby and family in the way you hoped you would be. And you're dressing your little one in that "My First Halloween" onesie and smiling, first, because they're so darn cute, second, because you literally made them, and third, because you got this.
IF you skipped to the bottom, here's the short version:
- Postpartum doesn't mean depression, it's just the time after baby. It's hard and everyone goes through it. But there's help!
- You won't regret learning about postpartum now
- Planning to talk about and process your birth will benefit your whole life
- Asking for help is brave
- You rock 🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡
Want to schedule a free 30-min postpartum planning session with me? Email holdthemom@gmail.com but do it right away- I only do 3 of these a week!