Moms are People Too

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 Have you ever listed all the things you do in a day? It can be really eye-opening. Maybe some of the things are:

  • Feeding the baby
  • Changing diapers
  • Preparing meals
  • Doing laundry
  • Washing dishes
  • Setting appointments
  • Comforting
  • Helping with emotional regulation
  • Zipping jackets
  • Tying shoes
  • Fitting on tight shoes
  • Picking up toys
  • Cleaning up messes
  • Cleaning up nasty messes (that you couldn't pay me to clean up) at times
  • Wiping noses
  • Listening and trying to interpret toddler-talk
  • Finding things
  • Trying to get to things on time
  • Picking up and carrying kids
  • Buckling in and out of car seats
  • Taking out the trash
  • Reading to your kids
  • Finding the "right" episode of their favorite show
  • Trying to find patience for difficult situations
  • Helping settle disputes
  • Disciplining
  • Sweeping
  • Deciding what to do with so many random papers that come into the house
That's a LOT. And I'm sure I missed some of the many things you do every day. Does anyone else besides me feel overwhelmed just by the list?

First of all, Thank you. Thank you for all you are doing, and not even recognizing it as anything important.

We expect SO MUCH from ourselves. We constantly worry we're not doing enough, and then on top of that, when we feel things like irritation, anger, and frustration, we feel guilt and shame about feeling them. As if we're supposed to be able to do all the things AND feel good the whole time.

Can I just remind you of something?

Moms are people too. You're a person too.



People have needs. People have wants. People mess up. People need help. People have big feelings.

It is pretty remarkable that you had a baby or more, and went through all the super-human strength of carrying them and giving birth to them. You truly are AMAZING. But giving birth (or adopting a child) doesn't somehow flip a switch inside of you that takes all your needs and negative feelings away. So struggling with frustration, stress, overwhelm, anger, and irritation doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you a human mom.

I wish every mom would start, in little ways, to recognize herself as a real person.

What could this look like?

  • When you "lose your temper", taking a deep breath and telling yourself, "that was understandable. Any human in my place would likely react that way."
  • Carve out time once in a while to do something you WANT to. When you switch babysitting with another mom, don't just spend the whole time to yourself cleaning your house or doing something you think you "should" do (unless that's what you actually are in the mood to do).
  • Prepare food for yourself (don't skip meals just because you're busy!). Don't eat your kid's leftovers off their plates anymore unless you want it. (There have been times I served my kids lunch, waited, and just ate what they didn't for my meal. I don't think I was treating myself like a real person, but just a garbage disposal.)
  • Allow yourself a guilt-free nap if your body is telling you that you could use one. Intentionally use the screen as a tool or get a babysitter without guilt.
  • Repeatedly remind yourself that you're doing the best you can. Sometimes "your best" may seem pretty lame, sometimes amazing, but don't fool yourself into thinking you could've done better. Accept where you're at.
  • When you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, instead of "I shouldn't have done that", saying to yourself, "What do I need right now?" and then being willing to make that happen. Maybe you need to eat something. Maybe you need 15 minutes to read or journal. Maybe you need to call a friend or take a walk. I know this feels impossible with little kids. Whatever they were doing that you interpreted as overwhelming won't stop just because you took a walk. And maybe they're too little for you to leave them. But you can promise yourself a walk later, or do some very simple things right now to give yourself what you need.
Bottom line, let's stop thinking we shouldn't have needs. Let's stop being so afraid of being selfish. Weirdly, when you start hearing and fulfilling your own needs, you show up as a better mom to your kids as a side affect. You stop feeling resentful. You start loving yourself and have more love to give as well. I know you may not believe me now, but give it a try in little ways, and you will see you'll start to feel better and do better!



If you want some help doing this, sign up today for a free 30-min coaching session with me! Sign up here! Hurry, I only do 3 of these a week!