The holidays are upon us, and while many of the songs, commercials, and messaging tells us we should be feeling more joy and wonder, what many of us are actually feeling is more stress.
There seems to be all this extra pressure for moms.
With To-Do lists already miles long, this time of year invites us to add so much more.
Our Instagram feeds are full of cute little families in their matching Christmas Jammies.
(This is us --- only the second year we've ever done it. And very rare that no one is having a meltdown at least for this moment!)
And there's remembering to move the Elf on the Shelf.
There's the Christmas Card comparisons.
There's all the pressure to buy your kids the right gifts, as you're full of overwhelm with all the toys you already own.
There's the minimalists that tell you to just give them experiences, and wondering how to actually make that work for your family.
There's expensive nativity scenes.
There's wondering if you even have Christmas traditions and not having energy to start any.
There's trying to figure out the perfect gift for your spouse and feeling guilt that you don't even know them well enough anymore to know what to get them.
There's staying up to all the wee hours of the morning wrapping all the gifts.
There's 'Am I lying to my kids if I stay quiet when they ask if Santa is real?'
There's 'Our Christmas lights are lame compared to the neighbor's'.
There's kind-hearted neighbors who bring treats. And then immediate thoughts of 'Oh, I should be doing that.'
There's guilty pleasure (emphasis on the guilty part) as we eat all our feelings with the extra treats around.
There's ALL these extra things that many moms see, and choose to feel not good enough.
All of these things are things that could potentially bring joy. Traditions. Treats. Lights. Gifts. Santa. Jesus. Love. Why do we weaponize them against ourselves??
Let me just offer to you, that the REAL way to make the holidays magical for your family is by not trying so hard.
Wait, what? That wasn't what you expected, right? The title made you think you'd be getting more ideas of what you're supposed to be doing? If that's what you want, stop reading here.
No, I'm here to say something different. Something that maybe you haven't considered.
To rephrase a common verse in the bible (Mark 2:27), "The holidays were made for moms, not moms for the holidays."
So let's just take a step back, and challenge the belief that you're not enough- that you're doing it all wrong, for just a minute.
What if we cleaned off the metaphorical mantle (your brain) that right now is full of decorations and nativity scenes and stocking holders and advent calendars and everything that you feel is absolutely necessary to providing a magical-enough Christmas for your family. Just took everything off. Don't worry. You'll probably want to put some of it back on. But just for a minute, in your mind, cancel everything.
Did you know that ALL of your beliefs about what makes the holidays magical is optional? Your beliefs about all you have to get done? You truly don't have to do any of it?
So many moms feel extra stress this time of year.
Did you know that stress is optional?
Stress comes from thoughts. Thoughts like, 'Oooo I really need to do that.' 'Only a few more weeks until Christmas! I have so much I still have to do!' 'This Christmas needs to be perfect.'
What do you want to feel during the Christmas season?
What if instead of stress, we chose contentment?
Contentment is also optional. And also comes from thoughts. Maybe, 'I am so grateful for my family.' 'I'm grateful for a chance to slow down, snuggle my little ones, and [insert favorite activity here].' 'My life is wonderful.' 'The lights are beautiful.' 'We have an abundance.' 'We are so blessed.' 'The holiday season is so fun and magical, even without me running marathons to make it all so.'
So many of us have been choosing stress during the holidays for so long, we just think that it's necessary. 'If I don't feel stressed, I won't get everything done! My family will be so disappointed! We'll miss one of the traditions! I'll ruin Christmas!'
I'd like to gently remind you that sacrificing your mental health for the potential contentment of our families (which we can't guarantee anyway), is not ok. It's just not. You're a person too. You deserve to feel good and enjoy this season.
The REAL way to make the holidays magical for YOU and your family
🎄Focus on the "why". Is this time of year about love for you? Then don't forget to love yourself too. Allow yourself to rest, to slow down, to do what you feel like doing a little more instead of what you think you have to do.
🎄Intentionally decide on how you want to feel, and then choose thoughts that will generate those feelings more often. Even if you allowed as much fun as stress, as much hope as worry, you'd be feeling so much better overall.
🎄Maybe less is more, this year. If it will give you a chance to breathe, maybe something can be cancelled, or not bought, or not decorated, or not made. You are enough, even if you don't do all the things.
Let me say that again because you don't believe me.
YOU ARE ENOUGH, even if you don't do all the things.
Our worth does not depend on what we get done.
I wish you a very intentional holiday season. Even if it's just in little ways. Rethink your crowded To-Do list, and only put back on those things that bring you joy and peace this time of year, because that's what it's really about.
And now a non-rephrased biblical verse to remind us just that: (Luke 2:10) "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people."
Even moms.
Could you use some coaching to get you through your holiday stress? We can work on emotional intelligence and finding more empowering thoughts together. Sign up here for a free mini-session with me!