"What do you give the person who has everything?"
That's a question people wrestle with this time of year. They want to show that special person that they matter, through a Christmas gift, but it's hard when there doesn't seem to be an obvious need, or a need that you can fill.
You may be thinking of a parent or spouse when you think of this question, but just for a moment, I want you to think of your baby (whether you're pregnant or have already given birth to them).
We stress out SO MUCH as moms that we are not doing enough or giving enough to our baby. We research the best bassinet, sleep monitor, blankets, onesies, diaper brands, nannies, toys, baby food, baby spoons, you name it. We drop everything and come running when we hear them cry, and stay up worrying that we are somehow messing it all up (or messing THEM all up).
But what if your baby already has everything?
I argue that they do. Right now. Even if you didn't buy them the newest, hottest baby gear. Even if you think you're doing it all wrong.
Your baby has everything because they have you. And that's what they really want.
Read this post (when you're done here! Or don't forget to come back!): "Eight Essentials Every Newborn Needs" where I go deeper about that.
%20-%20Copy.jpg)
So we answered that first question, "what do you give the person who has everything?" (the short answer: just by existing, you're already giving them what they need). But what do they want? A happier, healthier mom.
So often we stress about not being a good enough mom for our baby/kids, when, weirdly enough, that just comes naturally as we shift the focus onto ourselves a little more.
The first step to becoming that happier, healthier mom, is to answer this question:
"What do you give the person who hasn't been allowed to be a person?"
I'm talking about you, Mama.
Whether it's because of culture, or self-inflicted expectations, many moms haven't been allowing themselves to be a human who makes mistakes and has needs and wants.
Ask any mom what she wants, what she dreams about. Most moms have a pretty hard time coming up with much of anything. Most aren't used to thinking of themselves as real people anymore.
Let's take baby steps here. If this is resonating with you, think about what you might give yourself this holiday season.
Here are 3 simple things that would make a HUGE difference.
1. Acceptance. Of course she's miserable. She's had needs that have been swept aside for everyone else for a long, long time. Of course she's resentful. The subtle or sometimes straightforward messaging that she is the least important and yet most responsible for everyone else's well-being makes it hard to feel peachy. Of course she's stressed. She's meeting so many needs every day, besides her own.
Accept yourself, where you're at, right now, even if you feel negatively much of the time. Even if you haven't lost the baby weight or you feel confused and unfulfilled. That acceptance of where you're currently at brings a lot of peace.
2. Commitment to love her no matter what and to start meeting her needs. This doesn't have to be in a way that is grand, or costly (whether that's money or time). It can be as simple as the way you start thinking about her. When she messes up, instead of thinking 'What the heck is wrong with you?!' you start thinking, 'What do you need, self?' If you recognize she's hungry or lonely or anything else, instead of pretending she shouldn't have needs, it's saying 'I'll get you what you need.' 'I'll get you something delicious to eat, right now. Even if the baby is crying or that laundry pile seems to be calling. I'll text the friend, set up a lunch date, get a babysitter. I'll give you things to look forward to.'
3. Education. She needs to know what is happening to her body and mind as she navigates pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. She needs to know what is normal and what warning signs to watch for. She needs to know that asking for help isn't just ok, it's brave, and she needs to know who is there to help. She needs a more decent education than google searches at 2 am that lead her down panic-inducing rabbit holes.
This is why I'm teaching postpartum education classes, Every 2nd Thursday of the month, starting in 2025!
Come to the in-person class "What to Expect AFTER you're expecting" on January 9th, 2025 7-9 pm at Utah Birth Suites in Provo, UT. This is where you sign up, HERE!
We'll cover making a postpartum plan✅, what to expect as far as physical and emotional healing the first week after birth💔, and briefly go over some amazing resources that can help you get more sleep😴, have more confidence💪, and enjoy more bonding with your newborn😊.
The class is perfect for you if
- you're pregnant with your first baby
- pregnant with your second+ and know you want a different postpartum experience this time around
- you're currently in postpartum and just want to understand what is going on for you right now
- you want to avoid postpartum depression
If you don't live in Utah, don't sweat. I meet moms on zoom for postpartum planning and Q&A sessions. Just sign up for that HERE. The first one is free.