Deep-dish Mama Delight

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I've been baking a lot with my 6-year-old lately- she's in a phase. So we've been reading a lot of recipes.

Bet you didn't realize this was a food-blog today (don't worry, I won't have ads popping up and interrupting your read!)


RECIPE for the TYPICAL FIRST-TIME MAMA EXPERIENCE (a.k.a. "Just-about-Baby pie")

INGREDIENTS

  • optimism (2 T.)
  • misplaced priorities (1 c.)
  • winging it (1/3 c.)
  • intensity (a heap)
  • birth trauma (2-17 T.)
  • pretending (6 sprinkles)
  • silence (6 c.)
  • isolation (1 and 1/2 c.)
  • resentment (3 c.)
  • who even am I anymore (generous amount)
  • guilt (15 gallons)

DIRECTIONS

1. Combine the optimism, misplaced priorities, and winging it in a bowl. Obsess over being ready for baby, only considering baby's needs.

2. Have baby (add the intensity and birth trauma and stir rapidly).

3. If mom and baby are alive, force self to feel grateful (sprinkle in pretending) and don't dwell on what was hard about birth (at least keep it to yourself) for the rest of your life (fold in silence). The only exception is at baby showers, where to seek some validation, you may sort through your birth story a bit.

4. Struggle with breastfeeding, pain, hormonal turbulence, and exhaustion. But make sure to do it alone (gradually add in the isolation).

5. Have a rude awakening that you also have needs which are not being met.

6. Separate the resentment, stirring in half now, and half after you've been up all night with the baby but your partner slept peacefully. Repeat as many times as you see fit.

7. Bake in exhaustion for 5 months or more.

8. Settle into a place of "No one told me it would be this terrible." Add a layer of who even am I anymore.

9. Struggle with identity, battling between feeling selfish and caring for your own needs but be sure to spread on the guilt after each time.


No one, NO ONE would willingly make this recipe if they realized there was any other way. That's the thing, unlike a recipe that you buy the ingredients for and follow to a T, the lack of postpartum-prep, birth, and the transition into motherhood is full of a lot of unintentionality. Which is why this pattern continues for so many new moms.


So tear up the recipe. I don't care if it's been in the family for generations. It's time for this MUCH BETTER alternative.


RECIPE for an EMPOWERED MAMA EXPERIENCE (a.k.a. "Deep-dish Mama Delight")

   Time: from 3rd trimester to 6+ months postpartum
    Yield: benefits for the rest of your life
    Note: this recipe works best if you involve your partner and/or loved ones

INGREDIENTS

  • optimism (2 T.)
  • hope (4 c.)
  • research (4 c.)
  • intensity (a heap)
  • birth trauma (a dash)
  • birth processing (6 gallons)
  • empathy (2 c.)
  • helpful resources (7 c.)
  • village (3 c.)
  • satisfaction (generous amount)

DIRECTIONS

1. Combine the optimism, hope, and research in a bowl. Take your birth questions to Evidence Based Birth, take your postpartum questions to Hold the Mom. Also find a birth team who will take good care of you, and access your internal wisdom often as you take what you love and leave what you don't.

2. Have baby (add the intensity and birth trauma and stir rapidly).

3. Immediately after birth, allow yourself to process it however feels good to you. (Move the ingredients into a pot and put the heat on medium. Stir in birth processing until you like the consistency.) This could include but is not limited to journaling, artwork, and talking with a postpartum doula, postpartum coach, or trusted friend. Do not allow it to burn on the self-judgment stove.

4. If you struggle with breastfeeding, pain, hormonal turbulence, and exhaustion, know this is common but there are many solutions (time to add in the empathy and helpful resources without delay). Make sure to reach out (the linked resources, if used, can flavor your recipe, making it a unique experience!).

5. Weave in self-care and rest, along with low expectations. Very possible with the adequate support (add the village).

6. In the event of exhaustion, consult these strategies for more sleep.

7. Bake in acceptance, ups and downs, resilience, and thriving until done. You'll know.

8. Settle into your wisdom as a mom whose capacity is growing every day. Garnish with satisfaction. Serve fresh, and share with many others.


Let me know how it turns out! (If you enjoyed this post, email holdthemom@gmail.com)