Postpartum is messy: body, emotions, house, all of it.
One thing that surprised me most about postpartum was all the leaking. Leaky eyes, breasts, bladder. This post attempts to tell you some reasons why there's SO. Much. Leaking., and gives you a few strategies to help dry things up a bit.
Why am I crying over everything?? 😭
The easiest answer? Hormones. Your hormones are AMAZING! They are right on track, getting to the levels they need to be to provide milk for your baby and heal from birth. With their shifts and crashes, you're going to have bigger emotions than perhaps you're used to.
For me sometimes this happened out of frustration. Trying to latch my baby over and over, not sure if I was doing it right. Or the disbelief that she was waking me up in the middle of the night yet again... pretty soon I was in a puddle of tears.
Sometimes I'd cry out of gratitude. My sister visited me a few days after my most incredible, empowering birth, and I was bawling with gratitude for who she is and how much I love her. Things I maybe wouldn't normally say out loud were coming out, with plenty of tears to accompany. It was vulnerable and strange, but real in that moment.
Think about what you've just gone through, regardless of hormones. The time and sacrifice on your body and mind to grow, nurture, labor, and birth that baby. The relief that they are finally here. The grief that you're no longer free to do what you used to. The trauma that may have happened in birth. The overwhelm as you're starting to discover what it really means to be a mom. The guilt that creeps in when you long to have a break.
Even if hormones had nothing to do with it, you are experiencing a TON of emotions, and so it's not surprising if you are crying more than you would.
👉 This may help: Just own it. "I'm a crier, at least for now." Don't feel shame for crying. Don't feel embarrassed or stupid. You are feeling deeply and there's nothing wrong with that.
I tend to cry a lot even when I'm NOT postpartum, and as soon as I finally accepted that about myself I noticed I actually started to cry less often! Because I took off the layer of shame and embarrassment when the tears started.
Sacredness in tears. Sacredness in pregnancy, birth, postpartum. Motherhood. Every time I see a mother bonding with her tiny new baby, I can't help but think about how very sacred it is.
Why are my breasts leaky? 🍼
If you are breastfeeding or pumping, you may experience leaky breasts especially in the first few months as your body figures out what it's doing.
Your body makes the same amount of milk that was needed the day before. The milk is even ready at similar hours from the day before. For example, if you fed your baby at 3 pm one day, you may likely experience let down (sometimes this can be painful or uncomfortable—tingling in your breasts and even shoulders and arms) which indicates to you that it's time to feed that baby again the next day around 3 pm! It's fascinating.
If your body sends the message to you that it is time to feed your baby but you don't soon enough, you may leak. Sometimes even if it's not "time" to feed your baby but you hear them cry or even another baby cry, your body may leak some milk. Often when I would start feeding the baby with one breast, the other breast would begin to leak.
👉 This may help: I got in the habit of always using a clean folded handkerchief between the breast and bra to just keep things dry and comfortable. Easy to throw in the wash, no money spent on a bunch of nursing pads.
Why do I pee myself if I laugh/ cry/ run/ etc? 💦
This is something that many moms experience, and may assume it's just their reality forever after having a baby.
There are jokes and commercials mocking it, but when you're going through it, I feel like it can be frustrating and even hit deeply like a loss of dignity. You feel less capable when certain every-day movements make you pee yourself.
The medical term is "incontinence," and many deal with it no matter what kind of birth they had. My understanding is that this happens because when you're pregnant (and breastfeeding) you have a whole lot more of the hormone called Relaxin, keeping your pelvic floor muscles looser than usual so when it's time for birth they can stretch and move how they should, allowing the baby a passage out. (Also explains the waddle near the end of pregnancy.)
But also, with all the weight of a baby on those muscles, they can get stretched and looser, hence the leaking.
👉 This WILL help: I started dealing with this near the end of my first pregnancy, and just dealt with it for a good 10 years before I learned about what pelvic floor physical therapy was and gave it a try.
And my friends, it was LIFE CHANGING. I am so much stronger, more confident, and just overall happier with my body now that I've learned how to exercise it to strengthen those muscles again.
I wrote a blog post that goes into a lot more about this:
Pelvic Floor Therapy: The Secret to Faster Postpartum Healing that No One Talks About.
I recommend Reborn: Pelvic Health and Wellness for this if you're in Utah. There's no comparison. They're incredible.
One thing that surprised me most about postpartum was all the leaking. Leaky eyes, breasts, bladder. This post attempts to tell you some reasons why there's SO. Much. Leaking., and gives you a few strategies to help dry things up a bit.
Why am I crying over everything?? 😭
The easiest answer? Hormones. Your hormones are AMAZING! They are right on track, getting to the levels they need to be to provide milk for your baby and heal from birth. With their shifts and crashes, you're going to have bigger emotions than perhaps you're used to.
For me sometimes this happened out of frustration. Trying to latch my baby over and over, not sure if I was doing it right. Or the disbelief that she was waking me up in the middle of the night yet again... pretty soon I was in a puddle of tears.
Sometimes I'd cry out of gratitude. My sister visited me a few days after my most incredible, empowering birth, and I was bawling with gratitude for who she is and how much I love her. Things I maybe wouldn't normally say out loud were coming out, with plenty of tears to accompany. It was vulnerable and strange, but real in that moment.
Think about what you've just gone through, regardless of hormones. The time and sacrifice on your body and mind to grow, nurture, labor, and birth that baby. The relief that they are finally here. The grief that you're no longer free to do what you used to. The trauma that may have happened in birth. The overwhelm as you're starting to discover what it really means to be a mom. The guilt that creeps in when you long to have a break.
Even if hormones had nothing to do with it, you are experiencing a TON of emotions, and so it's not surprising if you are crying more than you would.
Photo by Claudia Wolff on Unsplash
👉 This may help: Just own it. "I'm a crier, at least for now." Don't feel shame for crying. Don't feel embarrassed or stupid. You are feeling deeply and there's nothing wrong with that.
I tend to cry a lot even when I'm NOT postpartum, and as soon as I finally accepted that about myself I noticed I actually started to cry less often! Because I took off the layer of shame and embarrassment when the tears started.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." – Washington Irving
Sacredness in tears. Sacredness in pregnancy, birth, postpartum. Motherhood. Every time I see a mother bonding with her tiny new baby, I can't help but think about how very sacred it is.
Why are my breasts leaky? 🍼
If you are breastfeeding or pumping, you may experience leaky breasts especially in the first few months as your body figures out what it's doing.
Your body makes the same amount of milk that was needed the day before. The milk is even ready at similar hours from the day before. For example, if you fed your baby at 3 pm one day, you may likely experience let down (sometimes this can be painful or uncomfortable—tingling in your breasts and even shoulders and arms) which indicates to you that it's time to feed that baby again the next day around 3 pm! It's fascinating.
If your body sends the message to you that it is time to feed your baby but you don't soon enough, you may leak. Sometimes even if it's not "time" to feed your baby but you hear them cry or even another baby cry, your body may leak some milk. Often when I would start feeding the baby with one breast, the other breast would begin to leak.
👉 This may help: I got in the habit of always using a clean folded handkerchief between the breast and bra to just keep things dry and comfortable. Easy to throw in the wash, no money spent on a bunch of nursing pads.
Why do I pee myself if I laugh/ cry/ run/ etc? 💦
This is something that many moms experience, and may assume it's just their reality forever after having a baby.
There are jokes and commercials mocking it, but when you're going through it, I feel like it can be frustrating and even hit deeply like a loss of dignity. You feel less capable when certain every-day movements make you pee yourself.
The medical term is "incontinence," and many deal with it no matter what kind of birth they had. My understanding is that this happens because when you're pregnant (and breastfeeding) you have a whole lot more of the hormone called Relaxin, keeping your pelvic floor muscles looser than usual so when it's time for birth they can stretch and move how they should, allowing the baby a passage out. (Also explains the waddle near the end of pregnancy.)
But also, with all the weight of a baby on those muscles, they can get stretched and looser, hence the leaking.
👉 This WILL help: I started dealing with this near the end of my first pregnancy, and just dealt with it for a good 10 years before I learned about what pelvic floor physical therapy was and gave it a try.
And my friends, it was LIFE CHANGING. I am so much stronger, more confident, and just overall happier with my body now that I've learned how to exercise it to strengthen those muscles again.
I wrote a blog post that goes into a lot more about this:
Pelvic Floor Therapy: The Secret to Faster Postpartum Healing that No One Talks About.
I recommend Reborn: Pelvic Health and Wellness for this if you're in Utah. There's no comparison. They're incredible.
The Takeaway
Leaking in (pregnancy and) postpartum is a lot more inconvenient and frustrating if you're trying to run around doing all the things. If you're going out in public, caring what people think of you, and trying to bounce back.
If you are, however, cocooning (as I urge you to do!), it doesn't seem like such a big deal. Slow down, stay home, snuggle that baby.
It won't be forever. But for now, embrace the beautiful person you are. Thank her for her efforts and sacrifices. Her work and nurturing. It's a big deal. The leaking is just a tiny part of you.
And lay off the self-criticism. What you need right now is to feel and be safe. Safe to be you, leaking and all.
For a free 30 min confidence call on zoom, DM me on instagram (@douladiane) (or email me at holdthemom@gmail.com) and we'll talk about your specific situation! No judgement here my friend. Just keeping it real and helping you heal! Ok, that seemed a bit corny. But really, I got you!
Leaking in (pregnancy and) postpartum is a lot more inconvenient and frustrating if you're trying to run around doing all the things. If you're going out in public, caring what people think of you, and trying to bounce back.
If you are, however, cocooning (as I urge you to do!), it doesn't seem like such a big deal. Slow down, stay home, snuggle that baby.
I'm sorry nobody told you how messy and leaky postpartum would be.
It won't be forever. But for now, embrace the beautiful person you are. Thank her for her efforts and sacrifices. Her work and nurturing. It's a big deal. The leaking is just a tiny part of you.
And lay off the self-criticism. What you need right now is to feel and be safe. Safe to be you, leaking and all.
For a free 30 min confidence call on zoom, DM me on instagram (@douladiane) (or email me at holdthemom@gmail.com) and we'll talk about your specific situation! No judgement here my friend. Just keeping it real and helping you heal! Ok, that seemed a bit corny. But really, I got you!
See you on the blog next week... xoxox!
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