Sometimes motherhood is so lonely.
It's not like you don't have people around. Your kids, your husband. Neighbors, church community, social media friends. Other moms and kids at the park and library. But if you're like me, often your conversations are so basic, so short, so interrupted. A mom just longs for depth sometimes, you know?
Sometimes I would be brave enough to try to build a friendship only to eventually have that friend move away and then? Well. We still try, but without the convenience of seeing each other regularly, it can be months between "I was thinking about you!" texts and that's about it.
This post is for you if you just feel deep down that you'd like to have some deeper friendships. Here are three relationships you could start or deepen today that would help you feel more like a real person!
Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash
Make a new friend, and skip the small-talk.
There was this awesome girl that kept showing up in my Instagram feed and I was liking every post and reel I'd see from her. We interacted with each other's posts and soon started talking over Instagram messenger about birth and postpartum. She was so easy to talk to! She mentioned she was wishing she had some deeper friendships and I thought, 'me too.'
So I suggested we just start out as deep friends. It's an experiment. I've been worried she would think I was weird or wouldn't want to try to be my deep friend. I've been a little insecure sometimes. But it has been so good for me. To just assume she thinks I'm awesome like I think she is, and to share what I would share with a close friend.
Sometimes we don't want to make new friends or deepen a friendship because of the fear of rejection. And I get it, that feels threatening to us. Read on about the next relationship to see how you can protect yourself from that.
Worst case scenario, the person thinks you're weird and doesn't want to be your friend as much as you do. Best case, you make an amazing, close friend. Even in the worst case, it could lead to a funny story down the road. So...
I believe so strongly that there are people out there who want deep friendships, who would be willing to take a chance on you. There are people that will get you and you will mutually benefit from building a friendship.
Become your own best friend.
I love this concept that I first really thought about after learning from Jody Moore. There is no downside to becoming your own best friend. You are ALWAYS with you. And you will always be with you. If you became your own best friend, you'd never have to be lonely. Someone would ALWAYS have your back, no matter what. And if someone else rejected you, you'd be there for you, still. And that's powerful.
Maybe it sounds a little corny, but think about it. Do you acknowledge you? Do you make yourself a meal, or just eat your toddler's table scraps? Do you keep cancelling on yourself? That thing part of you really wants to do-- do you push it off til never?
We really do have a relationship with ourselves. And it's really not too late to heal yours. If you want help with this, of course you can reach out to me, but I also want to tell you about my friend Emily Cheney who is such a great coach. She has helped me heal my relationship with myself in very deep ways. Everything she shares on Instagram and in her podcast is wholesome and absolutely helpful.
Anyway. More about your relationship with yourself.
I love what my amazing 99-year-old grandma, who lived alone for 6 years at the end of her life, said when someone asked her,
"Aren't you lonely?"
"No. I'm awfully good company."
Talk to yourself! Say the kind things you wish someone would say. Notice your achievements, even small ones. Validate yourself when you need that. Allow yourself to have dreams! Prioritize them and make them happen.
One of the dreams I've had since I was young was to travel the world. It's a yearning that pulls on me from time to time. I hadn't really been anywhere except some family trips around the US, Canada, and my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Honduras.
After discovering life coaching, I realized it wasn't wrong to travel for fun, even though I had little kids. I could make it work. I went to Boston and had an amazing time.
On my way to that Boston trip
And now I have my tickets to Mexico for next month. I'm intentionally spending some of the trip alone, to strengthen that relationship with my best friend: me.
I plan to prioritize this dream I have, and make it happen without giving up on being a good mom to my kids and other things I value.
Only you know yourself so deeply-- what you really need, what you really want.
I've had a lot of shame for years about crying, but I'm a crier so that gets pretty discouraging pretty fast. But some of the most powerful mirror moments for me have been after I've been crying hard about something and I just have a really loving and safe conversation with myself in the mirror. If I can learn to love THAT version of me... wow. Powerful stuff.
And no, building your relationship with yourself is NOT narcissistic. It will NOT make you abandon your family or responsibilities. It will give you clarity and capacity for all you really want to do.
Feel God's love for you.
The only ones who know you better than you know yourself are Jesus and our Heavenly Parents.
Doesn't it feel good to think that you are in God's hands- that He understand you, what you're going through, everyone else, what they're going through, all the complications... and He's got you?
I love thinking of my prayer and scripture study time as "Heaven Connect" time. I'm not doing it because someone told me to or I'm worried about being punished if I don't. It's to build my relationship with Him.
And then to listen. Seek His input and counsel. Trust Him. Be patient for His timing.
Sometimes we want to use Chat gpt for everything, which- don't get me wrong- I think it's an amazing tool that can help with so many things. But the instant gratification and knowledge of Chat gpt cannot surpass the wisdom and deep love from God. He has your best interest in heart. He knows what you can become and wants to guide and help you.
When I go out to take out the trash and notice a beautiful sky, when I get an encouraging text from a friend at the moment I was feeling really bad, when I meet this person who points me to that person who shows me a resource that blesses my life, I think of these all as love notes from Heaven.
Motherhood doesn't have to be lonely. Maybe it's not as convenient or socially acceptable or whatever to just jump in the car and go have some fun with some friends whenever. Maybe you and a friend might have to push the lunch date out for months because other things keep coming up. But you can
💕make new friends and try skipping the small-talk
💕become your own best friend
💕see God reaching out to you daily
and it will really bless your life (and the lives of your baby/kids!) as you show up more balanced, fulfilled, and joyful.
If you wanna be my friend, just DM me or email me! Love you already.
See you on the blog next week!
Oh one more thing!
If you're following me on Instagram (@douladiane) you've been seeing me post about the After Baby Reset. It’s for moms who are tired of feeling stuck in survival mode and want to start feeling like themselves again. It’s simple, and designed for real life after baby.
You'll discover how to feel better in your body, mind, and relationships. Doors open for purchase ($37 or VIP $57) on October 27th.
If you want to stay in the loop, be sure to email me at holdthemom@gmail.com or hop over to Instagram! :)
Comments
Post a Comment