💕4 minute read💕
Thanksgiving has now come and gone.
I'm thinking of the mom who was stressed during the whole day as their toddler needed constant supervision and they felt judged by their parenting.
I'm thinking of the mom who isn't feeling confident about breastfeeding so had to leave the room and find a secluded spot several times during the day and felt left out.
I'm thinking of the mom who stayed up all night the night before making pies, but showed up still worrying that she wasn't contributing enough.
I'm thinking of the mom who went to the extended family gathering out of obligation but wished she was snuggling her newborn in bed. Her baby got passed around and may've gotten so many germs in the process.
I'm thinking of the mom most of all, who knows she is so lucky to have a healthy, adorable baby, but feels resentment, frustration, boredom, even anger. And then quickly puts a cap on it all because she "should" be thankful.
I'm talking right to you, mama.
Society tells you you "should" be thankful. You survived childbirth, your baby survived childbirth, and all the sleepless nights, postpartum symptoms, and never-talked-about-is-this-normal? moments just come with the territory. You may bring something up in desperation only to be met with a knowing smile, and feel dismissed with the messaging of "that's just the way of it."
But telling yourself you should be thankful and never addressing the issue does NOT increase genuine gratitude. It continues the boiling underneath the surface.
Whatever YOUR circumstance is that triggers this way of thinking, next time you think "... but I should be thankful" I want you to pause and ask yourself. Why? What is it that you're not addressing?
Perhaps it's grief. We don't expect grief to pay a visit after childbirth if the mama and baby survive it. We think of ourselves as selfish or ungrateful if we address it in the moment. But all of the moms I've ever met have gone through at least some grief during their matrescence (the process of becoming a mother). Because there was a time you could just jump in the car and run an errand and it would take about 2 minutes to leave the house. And now? Such a hassle. There was a time that you could book a trip or go to an event and genuinely enjoy it without guilt about leaving the baby at home or the extra logic puzzle of bringing baby along. There was a time your body was your own, without anyone growing in it or sucking on it for constant nourishment. And while pregnancy and breastfeeding are beautiful and bonding, there was a time you felt more bonded to yourself, and not so drained.
Perhaps it's jealousy. You see other moms who have a baby who is NOT colicky. You see other men who seem to be so helpful to their wife and baby. You see snippets of other homes with their beautiful nurseries and their stylish kitchens. You see the vacations in Hawaii and the moms who have hobbies and friend and their bodies look skinny and beautiful.
Do you know that jealousy just indicates something you want? That's all. Next time you feel it, don't dismiss it so quickly. Write it down, decide if you value that thing, and work for it. Because if they have it, why not you?
Perhaps it's exhaustion. And I don't just mean the physical kind. The emotional kind that burdens everything. You think you "should" be thankful but you're just too tired to feel anything good. You can't think straight with all you're trying to manage. You're terrified of dropping one of the balls you're juggling because they all feel important. It's hard to prioritize, and you are definitely last on your list- not even on the list, actually.
Whatever you're feeling that fake gratitude is masking, allow it. Because it won't just go away with some half-hearted affirmations. You just went through a major life change when you became pregnant and carried that sweet child into this world. It's a big deal. And big emotions come with.
If you'd like some hand holding as you figure out those big emotions, I'm here for you. Just email me at holdthemom@gmail.com or DM me on Instagram (@holdthemom) and I'll get back to you right away!
Love you, so much mama. You're doing SO well. Better than you think.
See you on the blog next week!
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