4 Min Read
Do you know what Shame feels like?
What it REALLY feels like in your body?
I didn't know either, until about 3 hours ago.
I was being coached by the brilliant Emily Cheney, and we made time and space for Shame.
I thought about something I was ashamed of. A particularly painful thought that I'd be mortified to type here right now. And as I thought about it, I finally started to become acquainted with Shame.
It was hard, like metal. Smooth. Dark grey, almost black. It was heavy- the heaviest feeling I think I've ever experienced. It was in my head, my pelvic floor, my legs, my feet. It was in the shape of my body, but inside my body. And I hated how it felt.
My skin felt tight on top of it. It was hot and uncomfortable. I wanted it gone.
As I began to describe it to Emily, and to tell her where it was, I noticed a change. It was now only in the back base of my head, not in my entire head. I don't know how or why, but most of my head was lighter. We kept talking. Shame had made the tears flow. I took deep breaths and waited. Really seeing shame, really allowing it. "Take your time, shame."
I felt it in my shoulders now, also pelvic floor, legs, feet like before. Still heavy, still seemingly solid. But then how was it moving through my body? If it was so heavy, so permanent, how was it gone from my head?
More deep breaths. More stillness. More waiting.
In a few more minutes I realized, only in my pelvic floor, legs, feet. A bit tingly in my right leg. Head, shoulders were now free.
I knew that it could make it's way all the way through if I let it. If I didn't rush it, just waited, breathing it down. Never forcing.
We talked, all the while still giving Shame the attention it needed as it slowly moved, almost imperceptibly, and became lightness in my legs, and finally my feet.
How was it done? How could it really be gone?
This was the first time I've really given Shame that much time- to discover how it felt, what it looked like, the message it was giving me. The message of being stuck.
With those iron legs, I was paralyzed. There was nothing I felt motivated to do.
But now, on the other side, I feel wiser. I feel acquainted with Shame. I know it'll come back. But this time, now that I'm sure I've succeeded before in allowing it, processing it, allowing it to move through,
I know I'll be ok. I don't need to resist it anymore.
We are humans having a human experience. Humans feel all the emotions. Allowing them, instead of merely tolerating, running from, distracting ourselves- allowing them is what brings power.
How different I feel on the other side.
Shame, pleased to meet you.
I won't be scared of you next time.
I can do shame.
Bring it on.
If all of this seems so foreign to you, but you're curious to try the power of feeling your feelings, DM me on Instagram (@holdthemom) or email me at holdthemom@gmail.com. I will walk you through it. Sometimes, especially as we get started with this work, it can be so much easier to have another person hold space for us and help us access how those emotions feel within us.
As moms with endless To-Do lists and little people who need us, it can feel hard to make the time to slow down and allow for the feelings to be felt and pass through. But without doing that, we get emotionally constipated. It's part of true mental and emotional health. It's time to learn how too, Mama. I've got you.
Love you and see you on the blog next week!
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