When will I start feeling normal again after birth?

on

 Your baby was born.

It seemed like it would take forever for that day to come (especially during those last couple weeks, am I right?) but then it did. And all that waiting, all that glorious and sometimes agonizing anticipation is over. You were looking forward to that day for 10ish months-- maybe for your whole life. And now you're a mom. All the sudden.

Immediately after the baby is born there's plenty to do. You figure out breastfeeding (which happens way more often than you realized it would) or bottle-feeding (your hands are cracking from washing those bottles so many times) or a combination. And even aside from all the feedings day and night, it seems like the baby always needs something around the clock: changing, burping, calming.

After a while, though, you get into a bit of a routine. Things are a little more habitual and dare I say monotonous? And you start to wonder, 'when will I start feeling normal again?'

Physically

Your body has gone through a LOT in pregnancy, labor, and birth. Rest will be crucial as you recover. If you push yourself too hard and too soon, your body won't heal as efficiently. There isn't a magical day when all new moms feel "back to normal" physically. 

Here are a few things you can expect:

  • Your tummy will still look pregnant at first. Your uterus is still very stretched out, as is your skin. You still likely have extra weight than pre-baby because of how much your body had to adjust to carrying such a heavy weight inside (the baby). So don't be surprised or depressed when it takes a while for your tummy to shrink. For some moms, breastfeeding helps them lose some of that baby weight. For others it makes them gain weight. PLEASE see your worth and be thankful for your body as it does so much to nurture you and your baby. Honor your body for all the work it went through and still goes through every day.
  • If you're breastfeeding, you can expect to feel different in your body as you occasionally experience engorgement, milk coming in, and weight being carried differently than you're used to. (Even if you don't breastfeed, you'll probably experience engorgement and some discomfort until your body gets the message to stop trying to make milk anymore). More information about breastfeeding in this post!
  • There are several more physical changes you can expect. Check out these other posts for some more education on this:

Emotionally

Part of the "feeling normal again" will be when you are past the normal emotional turbulence of postpartum, when your hormone levels are back to a rhythmic cycle again. This can take years. Some of what you may be going through emotionally are the following: 

  • Baby blues happens for the first few weeks after birth. You may feel weepy, irritable, and just more emotional than you're used to. 
  • Scary thoughts. They are annoying, sometimes even agonizing, but very common. If you're experiencing this I recommend talking to someone (a therapist, a coach, a very trusted friend). Here's another post to help you learn more about them. Having scary thoughts, even thoughts of hurting your baby do NOT make you a bad mom. There is a major difference between having thoughts like those and wanting to or choosing to act on them. I can tell you from personal experience that it feels TERRIBLE to deal with those thoughts all by yourself. There is no shame in it- just get some help.
  • Birth trauma can affect you for years. Trauma doesn't just apply if you had an emergency C-section or hemorrhage. It can happen if you felt disrespected, unsupported, afraid, and out-of-control during birth. This post talks more about this. There are healing tools to help if you are experiencing affects from birth trauma (second-guessing your decisions, feeling extra stress, bad dreams, any PTSD symptoms). Journaling can be great (click here for a free journal-prompt page), and talking to someone who is non-judgmental and will listen is even better. Benefit from a free birth-processing session by emailing me at holdthemom@gmail.com .


Feeling like me again

Part of the "feeling normal again" will be when you are accomplishing more and following some of your own pursuits along with motherhood. This can look a lot different than you think it will.

We talk about "bouncing back" in US culture, as if after birth you'll just be able to be the same person again with the same interests, energy levels, personality, and a cute little baby on your hip - an accessory really. But motherhood changes you. Forever.

I think there's grief in this. The past-version of you used to be able to have more freedom (remember when you could just run to the store and pick something up real quick and not worry about diaper bags, car seats, the feeling of your milk coming in?). The past-version of you maybe had more fun (now you don't enjoy that date night you finally got a babysitter for because you're just worried that the baby is still crying like she was when you left). The past-version of you had interests and time to do them. Now that feels like a chore if you try.

But you can be so excited about the new you that you will discover over months and years to come. Try new things! 

Some of the things I've tried and fallen in-love with as outlets and new pursuits since becoming a mom:

  • running
  • drawing
  • family history
  • breadmaking
  • racquetball
  • kickboxing
  • life-coaching
  • book binding
  • card making
  • starting a business
I even tried belly-dancing once! That was fun!

I rarely do any of my hobbies or talents from before I became a mom, and that's ok. Maybe you will do those same hobbies. But don't be afraid to lean into new things. Your identity changes. You're right on track.

So, long answer to say postpartum is a process. It's a journey. You may never feel normal "again". You'll find your new normal. And there will be a whole lot of ups and downs, failures and joys along the way. And that's ok.


I made this free Birth Processing Ideas List for you. Pick it up HERE!